Lord, yesterday You spoke to me again, told me to write, and again I said I had so many things to do and I promised You I’d write “later.” Well, here it is, much later, and I hope I haven’t missed the opportunity. Fortunately, You prodded me to make notes (You know my penchant for putting You off, I’m afraid, and You knew I’d forget the great ideas You gave me!) so, Lord, if You’ll get me in tune with Your purpose for my writing, this time I’ll sit here and write for You – if You’ll tie me to this chair for awhile!

When I finished my devotional reading yesterday, I was immediately despondent, mentally flogging myself for my ineptness in doing “God’s will.” The meditation question, which I was supposed to ponder and use as a springboard for my daily journaling, was: “What keeps me from working with all my might in the position God has placed me?” I responded: “Laziness. Lack of organization. Physical excuses (e.g. my back, my being tired, even my age). All the stuff I have to do, like fold clothes, vacuum up dog hair and clean out my china cabinet. Worry about commitments, family issues and the state of the world.”

As I was wallowing in “mea culpa” once again, realizing there was no way, as awful as I am, that I’d ever reach the goals I felt my devotional said I should attain, I was suddenly struck with the idea (God strikes me with ideas sometimes – hits me in the head with them, actually!) that if I strive to reach the world’s goals, even goals a “Christian” devotional directs me to, I am usually derailed by all of the above inadequacies of my personality. But God is not surprised by my inadequacies! (He knew I wouldn’t write for Him yesterday, so He had me take notes!) He has goals in mind, just for me that can be achieved only by me with my personality! If I’m open to His leading (even if I procrastinate some and put Him off a bit) He can use me for the Varner-Jo-shaped purposes He has laid out for me! (God always uses my double name!) And those Varner-Jo-shaped purposes are usually right down my alley – like writing, which is my favorite creative thing to do!

I love you, Lord! Thank you for making me the way I am – which apparently is the way You planned for me to be: lazy, disorganized, prone to excuses and all! Use me the way You want to use me! (Please remind me to take notes, Lord. And keep hounding me until I respond to You!)